I have to be honest, life as of late has been sort of a mess.
I started writing this post, went back and read a few paragraphs and almost scrapped the entire thing, but I need to be honest, right? Isn’t that what this blog is all about? Life, our family, our home..and not just the pretty pictures of a bathroom makeover (but, if you haven’t seen how pretty it is, check it out).
While I would love for the last few months before baby #2 arrives would be full of beautiful bonding moments between our family of 3, unfortunately that has not been the case.
I’ve been uncomfortable and grouchy and tired. And maybe this is TMI, but my doc and I cut my anxiety medication dose in half because that’s better for the baby and I think that is part of the problem with this mood I’ve been in. Then when I get home at night, it takes the last bit of my energy to play with Georgia and cook her a meal with at least a few of the food groups in it. While she eats her dinner, I normally pick at what I made or just eat grapes and cereal. Food is just not that appealing, especially when it involves cooking it. And, in the evenings, I’m not as hungry as I am in the morning. But in the morning, keep your fingers back!
By the time Georgia is finished with dinner, I’m ready to lay down and rest my back, so we’ll do something low-key, like play with her Buzz and Woody or wind down with a the iPad or cartoon so I can lay down. It’s normally 7 or 7:30 by then, and getting close to bath time, so a little tv time to get her to chill out is ok in my book.
In all of this, Ryan has been working crazy hours, late nights and weekends for about the past 3 weeks to a month. He’s fabulous about picking up G when I have a board meeting or something else I need to get to after work, but otherwise, he has been needing to work late and the past few weekends has even gone in on Saturday and/or Sunday. This weekend will be about the same, I think. He hates missing out on the evenings and even if he gets home by 7, he misses dinner and a couple of hours with G.
By the time he gets home, he’s exhausted, I’m cranky and super exhausted and frankly, there isn’t much talking or hanging out that happens. It’s usually a toss up who falls asleep on the couch first. Needless to say, it hasn’t been that fun in our house and I get that it happens, but it’s starting to make me frustrated and sad.
Is life always going to be this crazy? Will we be able to handle it once the new baby comes? How will Ryan and I ever find the time to spend together, away from jobs and kids and with energy to spare to have a conversation beyond, “Did you shut the garage door? Did you feed the dog?” or to do anything fun? Is this just the crazy time in our lives and it will get better? What are we doing wrong? Is it like this for everyone?
I don’t mean to be whiny or to scare off any of you who aren’t married or who don’t have kids yet, but I’m finding the second time around, it’s harder to make time for your spouse and for yourself. You do what you HAVE to do (go to work, cook, care for children, pay bills) and beyond that, sometimes not much else gets done.
It’s obvious to Ryan and I that we both need to work on being in better moods when we get home and forcing some fun into our house, so that’s our goal going forward. Sometimes you just get caught up in all of the yuck that it can suck you in….here’s to crawling out!